Day 149

My lack of internet and time.

I am sitting in Glazer’s right now. I recently went through 15 back pages of Flickr photos from my contacts. I do look at all of the photos there. Sadly I do not see all of the photos a person uploads as I do not check their entire profile. As for recent uploads Flickr only lets you view 1 or 5 per person. Some people upload more than that in a day; like me. But I went through them all. I’m glad I don’t do that for everything anymore. Checking MySpace bulletins and dashboard pages on tumblr would be crazy to do. There would be so much. So, I’m sticking with Flickr. But I need more internet so I am not stuck with that many back pages at once. Maybe I’ll make the effort another time. Also, Residence Life at my university finally sent me an email acknowledging my early arrival to school because I’m an Orientation Assistant. But now check in times are an hour later. What do I do now? I’ll figure it out. I leave in about a month and I’m excited. Portland, here I come, back! Oh and I’ll be painting again soon!

Song: “Always For You” - The Album Leaf

Day 148

There’s a reason…

There’s a reason why I didn’t want to come back this summer and why I want to leave at different times… It’s people. Just people. I used to want to leave because I felt stranded, left on an island, and if I didn’t leave when I did I may never have. But now I just don’t want to deal with people. I can deal with them in their good moods but everything else, no. Regardless of who is right or wrong, if anyone at all, I don’t want to deal with it. / So, I cannot wait to leave in 5 weeks. I need to leave. I can stay but don’t really want to anymore. None of this is about me… But I’m just a guest here and I haven’t paid for the extra night (and frankly I don’t want to). I have even paid for any of it. My time is here is done. It’s time for me to go back “home”. A more permanent place to live. Also, next summer I’m going to find a way to avoid coming back here. I know many friends who’d enjoy my company. If not, anyone know if they’ll have an free bed or couch next summer?

Song: “The Giant Of Illinois” - Andrew Bird

Day 147

A day in, but still out.

I spent the most of my day in Glazer’s Coffee. I did get my sister’s roll of film developed, which most of it came out okay. I sat around waiting for it, bored, so I got some reading done. But around 3:45pm I went to Glazer’s. I ate a banana nut muffin and drank a 12oz soy mocha. Then I had some water. During my time I drew, wrote in my journal a lot, and spent sometime enjoying free wi-fi. I was going to write this there but I didn’t feel like it. I was there until around 8pm. Then I walked home in the mid-warm dark night. I got home to my sister doing the laundry and my mom on her way home from my uncle’s house where he was fixing/working on the car and it’s heating problem. I put away the dishes and washed the others. Then I put water on for tea. I didn’t have any, but made my mom, chamomile with honey and my sister, vanilla chai with milk. Then I ate vegetables my mom cooked up (so good!) and now am fixing my bed up so I can sleep. And it needs to be fixed up; now.

Song: “Boy With A Coin” - Iron & Wine (been listening to this all day)

Day 146

“It’ll Be Fine”.

So I found this program, Mixcraft, which is kind of like GarageBand for PC’s. I downloaded it recently and had a 14 day trial on it. I deleted it after one day not really liking it that much and also feeling some tracks sound the same when put together even in different ways. I can also use the GarageBand on one of my sister’s computers, which are both Macs, anyways. But something good did come out of the program… An upbeat track/song of 33 seconds long. I even made lyrics to it. And the title of this clip of a song is the title of this entry, “It’ll be fine”. Here’s the lyrics:

“And… I don’t mind that you keep me up all night. I will be fine. I’ll come by, to make sure, you’re alright. I don’t think that it’s time for you to say goodnight. It’ll be fine.”

Song: “It’ll Be Fine” (a.k.a. Upbeat Song) - Nadia Peer via Mixcraft

Day 145

I have a reason for why this is late.

I just got out of the shower, which I mainly took because I was a mess; dirty. I was painting which I haven’t done in a year or so and I miss(ed) it. I painted four pictures, them all being “okay” to me. I was going to paint coffee cup and tea cup but it didn’t quite work out. The next was a weird array of wildflowers and then an ocean colored one saying “an ocean between”. After I wanted to take a photo of my setting but being out of film, I resorted to Polaroid. It seems my camera is broken completely and it wasn’t just the last pack. That sucks as someone else could’ve put the pack to good use. But nothing I can do about it now. Then I made a MESS. I splattered paint on the dead polaroids I tried taking (which the paint washed off). And then came this gross brown color which I smeared all over my hands, which got on my legs somehow and also the floor. I just made a mess, so that is why this is late. (Ps, I cleaned up the mess, don’t worry). Also, my mom’s pasta is the best pasta ever, completely!

Song: “Vittorio E.” - Spoon

Day 144

Someone’s happy.

So today my older sister’s boyfriend got in. He is staying here in Hawaii a couple of weeks. (Another friend of theirs gets in on Sunday). They are staying at my dad’s house. It’s great he’s here and my older sister is so happy. I am so glad she is. From what I heard she jumped on him to hug him when her and my mom picked him up from the airport. It’s great!

Also, I’m happy as my mom made really good food tonight. She’s been cooking more lately and it’s been really good. I’ve gotten all of my comfort foods since I’ve been home and it’s great. Her food is so good. My only other comfort food, which is not made by my mom, I will not have as I am vegetarian. It is my best friend’s chicken. But it’s okay. Also I wrote a lot in my journal today so I’m happy about that. I am tired now and am going to go to bed as I have work tomorrow. Goodnight.

Song: “Lightness” - Death Cab For Cutie

Day 143

So tired.

You know sleep is a wierd thing. And for me it’s wierder. I either don’t get enough or get too much and it’s still long enough. It’s juat crazy how bad my sleep schedule is going. I am trying to work on it though. My routines are go to bed late, wake up late; go to bed early, wake up early; go to bed early, wake up late; go to bed late, wake up early; or the recurring one: don’t sleep at all and stay up all night. It is really bad and I cannot predict which routine is going to come. Tonight will probably be the first routine.

But I plan to change this and get back on  track. I don’t even know why it is like this but I plan to fix it. Come the fall semester/new school year, I’ll be back on track. HOPEFULLY!

Song: “Year Of The Ox” - Sufjan Stevens

Day 142

Car troubles…

Note: This will be short.

As my mom, older sister, and I were driving to my dad’s today the car started to heat up. That set us back a bit. We stopped twice… We put a lot of water in the car. Even though he didn’t have any of his tools with him my uncle (step uncle?) was going the same way we were as he was going home from work and came and helped. It was good.

I also realized I don’t really like talking to people I don’t know. Well I know I’ve been shy, always have been; though less now that I used to be. But if I don’t want to talk to someone or have no interest in a conversation I may get scared and not want to do it. I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing or not yet. So, I have work tomorrow and need some sleep tonight. Maybe not tomorrow night, but tonight it is needed. Not yet, but soon though, so I am ending this. And ending it with a good song!

Song: “Against All Odds” - The Postal Service

Day 141

Tedious tasks…  and sleep.

So I got more sleep last night and it was good. I even got to work relatively on time. I was only 5 or so minutes late. But it’s okay as my schedule is flexible and I don’t have strict hours. Well, only the hours I’m aloud to work each week, but those hours are not specified. I just worked out a time with the faculty I’m working with and I come in at regular times during the week.

At work I had (and still have) some tedious work to do. I have to copy and paste addressed for labels into Microsoft Word. There are so many messed up envelopes which cannot be sent as bulk mail and I have to set up new labels for them. It’s not bad though and I have tomorrow and Wednesday to do them. I may get more sleep tonight… I’ll see.

I’ve been listening to this song today… (no pun intended)

Song: “Today” - Joshua Radin